PS: In the bright side, I am an etsyan now, and a full time artist with no apology.

I have been divorced since January 29 2008. Although we were separated for a year, and we have not seen each other ever since, it is weird to be divorced after 12 years of being married. I guess it's kind of the same weird when you are single and loose your single-hood to marriage. The difference is that when you get married you are full of dreams and hopes, and expectations I guess with and about something and somebody else, and then you get divorce because most probably all of the above did not pass to happen or did not in an acceptable way, and then the dreams and hopes, and expectations, etc are for your new life with your own self, in this case with mine.
Divorce is a process, a very personal one for each one of us divorced people. I realize that i am grieving and i am just being the most patient i can with the whole process. I wish my ex husband the very best. Ours was not a smooth marriage but i would like to think that we did love each other very much, but could not communicate with respect and that broke the whole thing.
He hated, or he told me so, my art and my self as an artist, in fact he said I suck. Once he said, Who told you you are an artist?, YOU SUCK!
and that was the espadilla that he used the most to pick me with as if we were a bull and un matador in an arena de toros (bullfight place). Strange that I picked this metaphor, maybe because the bull is the only animal that will never back off in a fight, and the more you pick him and make him bleed, the most pissed he gets.
Some times matadores forgive the bull's life if the toro (bull) show that he is a tough cookie. I never stopped painting and creating art, I could not. I can not. But it was not relaxing to be an artist living with him. It is also laughable to think that many times I was painting I was against the clock, I would do it while he was away, as if I was cheating on him... I do not want to dwell on this, but it did happened and is a whole different thing when you are an artist and you are in a place were there is support, and praise, rather than cruel comments and actions.
The last thing I did in Mexico City, my place of origin, before i came to USA, was giving a painting exhibition in Coyoacan. That exhibition was about following your dreams, create a life outside the rat race, and appreciate the beauty around, also supported a more erotic life...my exhibition was called Oniria, like my art doll, who was the central piece...I gave it the name Oniria, because it sound like Onirica, something that is onirico, or onirica refers to the dream land.
While married I did several stuff, but I can say that there was a main collection of angels that I called "under the wings of an angel". I sold some of those paintings, and some of them were in the main walls of two shops. Not even then my husband could get happy for me and celebrate my little successes. This unfortunately discouraged me for a long time, not from painting , but for showing my stuff.
However, because I like to take responsibility for my life. I worked internally with myself to give myself all the praise and support I want.
I do not need his encouragement or any body's for that matter any more. I LOVE my pieces and I feel proud of them. But do not get me wrong, I still like feed back, particularly when is good. I also hope people buy my stuff because I want to make may living being an artist and a writer.
Time ago I came to the conclusion that his was his opinion and he was entitled to have it, my point was and is that you do not have to be cruel when you voice out your opinions.
My ex husband is a very intelligent man, he was a musician before I met him. When I met him he was a computer engineer. He did not play often, but I heard him playing his base violin and it was awesome. He is very talented, but unfortunately he did not want to play often. He rather watched TV and drank scotch until he forgot about himself or until he could let out lots of anger.
I came to learn that in this life each one of us is ultimately responsible for our own selves and lives. This an awesome realisation because this prevents you for being a victim of somebody or something, and this is great because being a victim is not fun.
I am trying to remember this recently, because I am worried about my husband, well, my ex.
His health has improved, according with what he told me the last time we spoke, but his financial life was in the ground, and this saddens me deeply.
I want to believe that he will recognize all the power inside of him, and I trust that he will see his greatness, and his self worth, no matter what.
I wish he does something that he loves, rather than something that just pays well.
Money is important, but not to the point to enslave ourselves and not have a life.
Work should be FUN. If we spend most of the hrs. of the day working, why not in something that we are passionate about?
I am trying to set the example to my own self now.
There are so many things we said, and so many more that were not said...processing a loss so big like a marriage to somebody you love deeply, but can not have a peaceful life with is not easy, in Mexico city the people would say, no es de enchilame esta tortilla (it's not a matter to put chile (paper) to a tortilla).

Belly dance

I LOVE Belly dancing!

I found Belly dance a few years ago at a GYM I used to go. I had different teachers and each one gave me something unique.

Belly dancing is a fun and passionate way of celebrating one's unique self.

Belly dancing elevates you to a state of deep Ecstasies: ecstasies with life, with movement, with your body and soul.

When I belly dance I shake away negativity, stress, even pounds. It helps me to get centered and to get in touch with my womanhood.

This is the form of dance, that I have practiced, that I like the most.

With Belly dancing nobody leads me. I find my own way through the rhythm, I am music too with my hips. I lead my own dance, my own way, my own life.

Belly dance is also an awesome work out, it helps you to tone your muscles, to sculpt your body, and helps your posture, like no other exercise.

Belly dance is about woman power, hip power.

Belly dance has helped women to bring children to this world with natural easy for both child and mom.

Belly dance has been danced to celebrate rites of passage like childhood to puberty, puberty to adulthood, marriage, etc.

I belly dance when I am happy, I belly dance when i am grieving, when i need to reconnect with myself, when I am waiting, when I am bored, when I am depressed, when I feel loved, when i feel unloved, when I am looking for answers, when i am clear, when I am not felling beautiful, when I feel beautiful, when I pray, when i am simply enjoying life, when I'm sad, when I'm happy.

Belly dancing centers me, reconnects me with the wise woman inside of me, with the goddess, with the human, with the lover and the mother and with all the aspects of myself that i need to bring into my picture at the moment.

Belly dancing is for every women in his Planet, no matter how old or young, or whole or broken, or thin or heavy, poor or rich...

Belly Dancing in a world that represses women is the ultimate act of irreverence, and is also a sacred dance.
It is a woman dance, it is happy, it allows you to express your self, your soul, your body. It is a private personal dance for no other eyes to see but yours if you choose to do so, or it could be share with others, whether is or not intended to seduce it does, its starts seducing yourself with the joy and the mystery of your own journey.

A belly dancer is not a repressed woman while she dances.

A belly dancer is a powerful being, a beautiful being, a profound and wise being.

A belly dancer is a happy being.

Happiness is a choice and an act of courage, and also can flow so freely from your heart.

spelling

I also love to talk, and because i can not always do it, then i write. My English vocabulary is pretty extensive, i believe, but my spelling sucks, and I keep forgetting to hit the spelling button. oops!
That is why you see mistakes in my first posting.

An artist's life.

My artist's life started around age 3 or 4. Crayons and textiles were my two first loves.
I loved drawing with crayons and I always wanted more time to draw.
I also loved looking at, touching and choosing scraps of fabric that my sister Laila and I sorted out of a box in a fabric shop of the local market where my mom used to go to buy supplies for her fashion industry that started with her doing cute clothes for me and for my sister Laila.
The owner of the shop, Don Miguelito, as we used to called him, always invited us to his side of the counter and would let us pick as many scraps as we wanted. When we came home, while mom sew our dresses, we created clothing for our dolls with the treasures from Don Miguelito's shop.
I also LOVED dolls, and to play with them, first my favorites were baby dolls, and latter on barbies.
Part of my creative process as an artist was spend in front of a mirror where I would create different faces from my own with the help of my awesome eye shadow pallets, and mini lipsticks, gifts from my dad and my dad's sisters, and since my mom do not read English language, i can say without fear of being reprimanded..hahahaha! that I also 'borrowed' from time to time my mom's own collection of makeover stuff.